６☆ Trajectory with Evan: Illusory Light || Light and Night 光与夜之恋 陆沉・幻光

Trigger Warnings: Abandonment, drowning, death of family member, death of pet, suicide, accident, insomnia, corpse, blood, depression, murder, bullying etc.

Disclaimers: This is a new feature in Light and Night. For this card, there's no dates but the new system allows you to see 6 different parts of the character's past, consisting of either voice clips or short stories from the Character's POV or from NPCs, not related with MC. They are all pretty dark.  Please read it at your own risk. Take pauses when needed. Remember to breathe when needed.

Evoke: 16 Years Ago, Early Spring: Evidence of Love

In the eyes of the servants, the young master has always been excellent in academics, with only Zhou Yan vaguely felt that Evan is almost turning into a state of maniac in order to achieve a certain goal.

It's yet another late night, Zhou Yan placed the warm milk on a side, the little young man before the study desk is still holding onto his pen, pushing himself to read and review questions.

The long hairs drooping before his thin, pale face, under the illumination of the desk lamp, there's a stubborn persistence within his eyes.

Zhou Yan hesitated, and he was just about to advise him to rest earlier.

Evan: Don't worry, I know myself well.

The youth turned over, and let out a rarely seen smile towards Zhou Yan.

Evan has a single goal, that is to receive full marks for all of his exams during his year-end exam, with this he'll be winning the Grand Slam* for this semester.

*T/N: The Grand Slam is a term in tennis, it is the achievement of winning all four major championships in one discipline in the same calendar year.

Nobody knows the reason Evan is doing this, only to speculate together, it's perhaps related to the master.

Little Evan would sometimes think about why should he work that hard, as if he's trying to prove something with all his life.

Back then he was too young, that he'd admit the thoughts back then were so childish only after he's grown up, how ridiculous the "promise" was. A "promise" is only formed if two person are acknowledging it to each other, if it's one-sided then it's deserved to not receive a response.

Evan: Father, are you leaving already?

Man: Yes. Be a good boy at home and listen to mommy.

Evan: May I know when will you be back next time?

Man: I'll drop by when I have the time.

He's always been like this, even showing his impatience when making excuses. But Evan still obediently nodded, and not ask a thing.

They are clearly father and son, he has never felt a single bit of "fatherly love".

What should he do for him to receive his "fatherly love"?

Evan: Father, please wait for a moment.

Evan ran to his room in a hurry, taking out a thin piece of paper, respectfully handed it to the man. 

That is his academic transcript during this semester's mid-term exams, full marks in every single subject.

The man skimmed from top to bottom, and slowly nodded.

Man: Very well, as expected of my son, keep up with the good work.

At that moment, even the youth with the sharpest wits and early-attained wisdom has an indescribable happiness in him. Even if he has been reminding himself that this is merely a usual perfunctory talk from his father.

But what if, what if it isn't a perfunctory talk? What if all of the alienation were because of sternness, and all of the sternness came from expectations, then are all of the expectations coming from love'?

The youth behaved so carefully, to the extents he began to feel fear and anxious, suddenly felt like he has finally found the evidence where his father actually loves him, after searching for all these years.

He told himself, just this once, believe it just this once.

Evan: If I can still get full marks in the finals, can I receive a present?

Man: What do you want?

The youth's gaze fell onto his father's watch-- that is a mechanical watch, with a double-headed snake engraved onto it, the parts are complicated, as if it's hiding a whole new world behind it.

Father knew he has always liked mechanicals, this isn't anything of doubt.

Evan: Can I ask for this watch? I also want you to be back.

The man nodded in hesitation, then left home in a hurry.

The winter of that year is endlessly long, but he felt that it's never enough, what he hoped for was to use a 100% results to redeem a 1% of possibility.

The final exams have arrived on schedule, and the results are finally out.

Evan is holding onto the transcript in his hands, awaiting for his father's return.

Evan: The blizzard is coming soon.

Evan stayed before the windows, unwilling to leave. The fluttering snowflakes have reflected his gradually obvious disappointment in his eyes.

He has indeed broke his promise again... Thoughts passing through a year after another, he seemed to have returned to every night on New Year's Eve, it's still the same, he's still tiptoeing to look for his father's silhouette in the distance.

Just like that, he waited and waited, waiting for numerous days and nights, waited through a few seasons, and waited until his aged for another year, yet his father is still not back.

Evan: Liar... Why making a promise when you can't even fulfill it?

Those who don't keep their promises are indeed shameful, but isn't it pitiful for one to blindly believe in someone who never keeps his promises at all?

Since it has turned out to be this way, might as well as stay pitiful till the end.

On this day, Evan brought his transcript and escaped from home. But when he ran all his way to the streets, he realized he didn't even know where his father is at, not even having a single idea about where he always go to.

So it's not just his father that didn't understand him, he too, didn't understand his father as well. The same, cold-blooded bloodline.

His cheeks started to burn, and he can't help but to feel ashamed. So he has used his sensing ability for the very first time, trying to search for traces of his father.

Evan: Please, please help me to find that person.

Finally, he caught his father's voice.

Following the weak voice, Evan arrived where his father is at. That is a theme park that he has always passed by, but never entered, it's a place he imagined him playing together with his parents.

The petite youth squeezed between families one after another, the music from the merry-go-round, the screams from the pendulum ride, even the stains of cream on the floor dripped from the ice cream have mesmerized him.

He suddenly wanted to changed his mind, wanting to change that watch to a visit of the theme park with his father.

The voice he sensed is getting clearer and clearer, Evan saw that person as soon as he raised his head.

That person is smiling as he stood before the merry-go-round, his back carrying a black-haired boy, with a woman standing by his side.

They were standing there, just like a perfect family portrait.

Boy: Daddy, I'm so tired, I can't walk anymore.

Woman: Didn't you just rest earlier? Don't always act like a baby with your dad!

Man: Isn't it good to act like a baby? I can't wait to see my son acting like a baby with me every day! Come here, baby, sit on daddy's shoulders. What do you want to play next?

The boy pointed towards the roller coaster from afar, and happily shouted--

Boy: I want to play roller coaster!

Woman: No! That's too dangerous!

Man: You promised me that I can play this time, mommy lied! 

The boy let out a sad cry after not being permitted.

The tall man looked helpless when he saw the child cry, he doesn't seem to know how to handle situations like this well.

Evan suddenly felt curious, what kind of way will he use to coax his son?

The man gave it a deep thought, and immediately smiles as he took off the ever-so-familiar watch to Evan for the boy to play with.

Man: Baby, be a good boy, don't cry anymore, wanna look at what this is? If you turn this button, this snake in the middle will start moving.

Woman: Why are you giving something so expensive to a child?

Man: I've wronged the two of you for these years, until I've settled the things over there, our family will be together forever.

Boy: This watch is so fun to play with!

Man: Do you like it? Then daddy with gift this to you!

Boy: Daddy's the best!

Evan, who was standing not far away, let out a slight smile.

He turned around, and walked straight towards the roller coaster without looking back.

The sharp pains from the gusts of winds and the joys of shouting loudly when he reached the highest point, he will remember them forever.

Just like a tight slap that have woke him up.

All that he received in return with all his might used, was just a truth that he has already known long ago.

He was merely not loving him alone.

Recover: 14 Years Ago, Summer

I knew when I was really little, the more I'm afraid of losing something, the easier it is for that something to hurt me.

I'm born in an ordinary family. The reason why I'm saying that is because, my father is just like the millions of fathers in this world, the number of times I can see him can be counted by merely using my own fingers.

Once was when I was five, because I was hospitalized after falling into the waters, he visited me with empty hands.

The next time was when I was 11, he brought a woman home, and from there on he has cut off ties with us.

As for the time I was born, he probably has never seen it before.

I heard that he has gone missing afterwards, and it's also after I have completely lost him, I realized that I can be this calm.

The second thing I've lost, is a mechanical pocket watch.

I wasn't able to fall asleep the night after I threw it into the fireplace.

The winds were howling outside the windows, I could feel my temples throbbing, just like the rhythms of that watch.

It's on that night, I thought I'm going to become a pocket watch, a condemned watch that is so heinous that it will lead people to the wrong path.

I wanted to become it, I truly wanted to become it. I saw a form of uplift from its face at the very moment it escaped my wrist and impatiently pounced towards the raging fires, this has made me to feel inferior. 

The third item I've lost, is a rabbit.

She has always used those red, pitiful eyes to look at me, as if she knew everything about me. Her ears, are like a pair of wings. After owning her, I learned to look into the mirror, I didn't understand how can those with red eyes can be so pure, and having so much of strong, extravagant emotions, even her spacing out would be so mesmerizing, like two pieces of glasses, reflecting the barren and dirty me.

She's pitying me, yet I'm feeding her, this subtle balance have made me to at least not lower my head before her.

For each time I pet her soft fur, there's always some form of sentimental feeling deep inside my heart, I'm afraid that she will be tired of me after seeing through me. So I started to try smiling to the mirror, practicing to be someone that could give her a future. From time to time I will also see my eyes becoming pure and clean, though it was only an instant.

But one day, she died. 

Recover: 14 Years Ago, Autumn

Using a screwdriver, I managed to dug the place she was buried in. When the rotting smell gushed up from the soil, I noticed that it has been many days since her passing.

I wanted to dig her out, it's too cold and damp in the soils. No matter what she shouldn't be laying naked in dirt, she's innocent.

I have even found a glass bottle to place her in, a small, square bottle, I'm pillowing it to bed.

I clenched onto the slim screwdriver tightly, so tightly that my strength has all flowed out really quickly, but besides two pieces of bones, I can't dig out anything else. How ugly those bones are, that my entire body have began trembling.

How could this be her, this can't be her. The naivety in the past have now became spiritless, as if it's fished out from the iron slags and copper juices, it's not clean for even a single bit, so dull and lifeless. 

How can she be these two pieces of bones? I angrily thought.

But I couldn't say anything harsh to her, what I possess is the blade that kills her, in the countless moments of sleepless nights, how much I've hoped for the blade is actually placed against my neck, using my dark blood to repay her purity.

I could feel my pulse beating beat by beat, tick tock, tick tock-- so I aimed it with the screwdriver, and stabbed hard on it.

The moment when blood gushes out, I heard the voice of my soul coming out from it, it's cheering and chanting in loud songs, for the long-awaited freedom and sunshine.

I was a little happy, because I noticed my heavy body is gradually becoming lighter, the kind of feeling where you can fly without wings is so addicting. The smell of blood is so rich, dripping into the soil, it can even bloom into a brightly-colored flower.

"Why are you doing this? Silly."

I was surprised by this voice.

-- It's because you're harmed because of me.

She no longer spoke, only sighing, flapping the two long ears.

Holding her into my arms, I lied down, smelling the fragrant scent of the soil.

-- Tell me where you've been for the past few days?

-- Or, take me with you.

This time, nobody can stop my footsteps anymore. By the time the blood is all bled out, I will be free.

Recover: 11 Years Ago, Late Autumn

Zhou Yan: Young master, we're here.

Evan: You don't have to follow me, just wait for me here.

Zhou Yan: Understood. 

Zhou Yan: Young master, we came out in secret, so please hurry up.

Evan: Mm.

Evan: It seems like it's a rainy day each time I visit you. I've heard that it was also a night full of thunderstorms on the day I was born too.

Evan: It has been many years since Guang Qi city has faced such a heavy rain. You must've been really afraid when you were alone in the hospital back then, right?

Evan: After that I've always been thinking, is this counted as a form of destiny? Actually I shouldn't been born. Then we will all live a little more freely, and I will not owe you anything. Then you wouldn't need to always submit to humiliation, and you can even leave this family without worries, and becoming the past you again. Your life, will definitely be a lot better than now.

Evan: I've seen your past photos, you were smiling in so many of them. What a pity, I've never seen it before. I knew you actually didn't love me that much, and it was more of responsibility. I can see it all. But you are already the person that treats me the best in that house.

Evan: Mother, you must've been still hating me until now, right? So many years have passed, and you have never been in my dreams for even once. If I didn't insist to play in the backyard that day, then will this incident never happen? I knew the roads have already frozen, it's very slippery, and very unsafe.

Evan: Why does destiny have to always play tricks on people? Those who didn't wish to live can always dodge death, yet those who wishes to live well will instead die in accidents.

Evan: If I was the one who drowned to death, then it'd be the best to everyone. I really wasn't afraid.

Zhou Yan: Young master, it's almost time, we should return.

Evan (to Zhou Yan): Understood.

Evan (to grave): I will not be able to visit you often from now on. Master wishes to send me overseas. They told me it's a country that is gloomy and rainy, one will feel depressed after staying there for a long time. But I feel like you'll be staying by my side instead. 

Evan: Goodbye. If you hate me, then forget about me.

Evoke: 5 Years Ago, Early Autumn: Two-Faced Winner

When Evan walked through the corridor lit by sunlight without gazing sideways, a puzzling problem has been circling in his mind.

Hence he didn't know the how did the classmates in pairs or threes have suddenly became quiet as they stared at him.

His distinct features exudes mesmerizing colors under the sunlight, with his flat yet broad shoulders allowing a simple uniform to fit him like it's tailored, with a wine-red, narrow necktie setting his pale skin off even more.

Evan does not care about the admiring gazes lingering on his back.

In his hand is the book titled "Out of Control*",  he kept thinking about the problem single-mindedly, disappearing into the corner of the corridor in hurried footsteps, yet suddenly paused.

*T/N: The book is Out of Control by Kevin Kelly, in case if you're interested. Bonus fun fact: This book is required reading for the cast of The Matrix!  

Evan: Lee?

The classmate that he is looking for, is coincidentally squatting on this very corner of the corridor.

Lee lifted his head up, corner of his forehead bleeding, with traces of tears over his face.

Lee is one of the Asian minorities in this school, still remaining the humbleness and politeness in him.

Evan accompanied him to treat his wounds, and sat together by the window in the infirmary, Lee noticed Evan's deep eyes.

Those eyes are so calm, that makes one to feel that no matter what you tell him, you will receive the replies from the gods.

Evan: What happened?

Lee: They snatched the last present my grandpa gifted me... it's also a relic from him.

Evan: They?

Lee: Those from the rugby team. They are like bandits, and they have snatched the treasures of many.

Evan stood up, and reached an arm out towards him.

Evan: You'll have to retrieve back what's yours.

This is almost something impossible! Lee looked at Evan in sorrow.

How should he do it? He is defenseless yet timid, it's never something easy for him to challenge those in power.

People are always preaching for "courage", but they didn't know that courage is like the bungee stand, those under the stand will never empathize, only those who stood on it will know that just by standing on it itself will deplete all of their courage.

But when he stood up after borrowing strength from Evan's arm, Lee surprisingly realized he felt like he has unlimited courage.

Standing behind Evan, Lee quietly exclaimed.

Just how much power does this person have?

The white ball has turned into a beautiful rounded curve on the pool table, colliding the black ball into the pocket, a cheer can be heard throughout the bistro.

A few members of the rugby team wearing their caps backwards are sharing draft beer together.

The bistro's door is suddenly opened, a man in a suit uniform walked in.

They all knew him, this Asian boy that is in heated discussion among the girls is now walking straight towards them.

A few white men rubbed their palms, Evan is still putting on the impeccable polite smile over his face.

Evan: How about we play a round?

Just when one of the white men was about to accept the challenge, their captain pressed him down.

White man: Let me do this, if I win him, Ketty will be willing to date me.

Evan: Discuss it among yourselves.

He took off the fitted blazer, and adjusted his tie.

Evan: I only have one condition, if I win this, return the item to the original owner.

Only then the few men noticed Lee was following behind Evan, and he's leaning against the side of the door, staring at them in bright gazes.

The captain lifted his arm in a mocking manner, shaking his wrist, a delicate pocket watch embedded with a silver coin is spinning at the edge of the metal chain.

Lee stared closely at the pocket watch, so intently that he didn't notice Evan has already picked up the cue stick.

After five minutes, Evan has run out* the table with a single visit*.

*T/N: In pool games, when a player breaks the racked object balls, pockets at least one ball on the break, and commences to run out the remaining object balls without the opponent getting a visit at the table.

When there's only a single white ball remaining on the table, they are still not showing signs of handing the pocket watch out.

Lee saw them angrily threw their cue stick, worried that he's bringing trouble to Evan, alertly walked towards Evan who was focused on wiping his glasses.

Lee: Evan, I've gave it a thought, let's lodge a police report.

Evan lifted his head, his indifferent smile made the group of men a little weirded out, also making Lee to stun for a little bit.

Evan: Lee, head to the convenience store, help me to buy a can of coffee.

Lee stunned for a moment, he didn't understand what's going on, and was a little worried. But seeing the smile on Evan's face, he only nodded, and forcefully suppressed his anxiousness under his heart.

He turned over, quietly pushed the entrance over, and turned around to have a glance.

Evan took off the blazer that he was about to wear for once again, folding it tidily, and placed it on the edge of the pool table.

The convenience store is too far away, the more he run, the more nervous he is, so nervous that he can feel his heart now stuck at his throat, making him to subconsciously speed up.

By the time he's back to the bistro, he saw Evan standing in front of the bistro from distant, looking relaxed, and he can finally let out a sigh in relief.

Evan: Got it.

He lifted his arm in a smile, the pocket watch dangling down with no damages, lightly swaying in the air, reflecting dazzling lights.

Lee: ... The other name of robots are originally 'autobot machines'. It will be very helpful if you pay attention to the viewpoints of early cybernetic researchers again. 

Both of them walked on the streets, Lee clenched tightly on the pocket watch that was lost and found, lightly caressing it as he answers Evan's question.

Evan: You putting it this way have cleared my thoughts a lot, I've really got into misunderstandings.

Lee: You... looked for me to only ask this?

Evan: Mhm.

Evan is still smiling, as if whatever happened was just an easy work.

Facing this person that you can't help but to admire, an idea has popped in Lee's mind.

Lee: Evan, you have great insights in the artificial intelligence industry, do you plan to work in this field in the future?

Evan: I indeed do have such thoughts.

Lee: Have this.

Lee lightly pressed onto the mechanism on the pocket watch with both hands, and in a clicking sound, the silver coin is separated from the pocket watch.

He gently placed the silver coin onto Evan's palm.

Lee: My grandfather was once a general on a warship, but he has a unique friend-- a pirate. This coin is a gift from his pirate friend. If there's a choice that he has to make, nothing will go wrong by flipping this coin.

Evan carefully examined the coin in his hand, noticed that it's the same on both sides, and he can't help but to let out a laughter.

Evan: It is a really ingenious thought indeed. But, this is very valuable to you, no? You're gifting this to me--

Lee: Consider it as a token of queue, if there's a day you're opening your company, remember to make me your no. 1 staff.

A year later, Lee became the number one staff in Evan's start-up company.

When Evan tried to return the silver coin to Lee, he smiled and shook his hands.

Lee: I'll gift this to you, take this to coax your girl in the future, it'll be useful.

Recover: Half A Year Ago, Early Spring

Evan: The last time I've visited you was still 11 years ago. The grass has became this tall.

Zhou Yan: Young master, I'll let someone to clear them after this.

Evan: No need, she likes flowers and grasses. You may return to the car first.

Zhou Yan: Understood.

Evan: You are still as youthful as before, yet I have aged so much. I've not been coming back to visit you for this long, you wouldn't be blaming me, would you?

Evan: Actually... I originally didn't plan to return to the country. Dying in a foreign land has been my wish. 

Evan: That country, though I wouldn't say I like it, but I didn't feel hate towards it either. The people there are just the same as me, indifferent to everything, I think it's pretty good, but sometimes it also feels unreal. Now that I've looked back into the past 11 years, everything were a blur, I can't recall what exactly I've done.

Evan: Do you still remember? You told me before, you wanted to look at the real seas. The only two existing beaches in Guang Qi city are both manmade, all of them are fake. Occasionally during my free time, I will stay for two days on the island over there. Now that I recall it, there were only those moments that I've actually felt truly relaxed.

Zhou Yan: Young master, it's raining now. Your umbrella.

Evan (to grave): Yet another rainy day, I thought it's finally a day with great weather before I departed.

Evan (to Zhou Yan):  Pass me the flowers too.

Zhou Yan: Of course.

Evan (to grave): I don't know what kind of flowers you like, so I've deliberately bought a bouquet of pansies for you.

Evan: After saying so much, you actually knew everything, right? The souls in heavens will see through everything clearly. Then can you tell me, was the accident that year merely an accident? 

Evan: This is probably the only matter that I can't let go. I've been the blade in others' hands for twenty over years, I don't want to stay like this anymore. 

Evan: I am the only survivor left back in that year, the servants and medics either have left, or have disappeared. All I wanted was a truth.

Evan: If I were to be twisted by hatred, will you hate me?

Alternately, feel free to check out other translations of Light and Night here!