You reap what you sow.

Had two tests in a row today. First was Programming in C#, then Database in Oracle. I somehow screwed things up because I'm still no good in maths, and I forgot that one important command that determines my paper's grade, and I regret it.

I can't blame it to others, I just had to blame it to myself for taking my own sweet time to nap and also, my inability to complete my pile of assignments, once again. I used to be able to endure high amount of stress, but this time, it seemed like I'm turning more... fragile that I cried several times in this month.

I wondered why, and what happened to me that caused my structure to change drastically, both physically and mentally. Or did I overestimate myself in the past?

Still, it has to do with different factors, I suppose. I shall look for motivators to motivate me to work harder. Somehow, I managed to grab boxes and boxes of Pocky everyday and reward myself with a box or two after tests or presentation, telling myself that I've finally went through this terrifying and horrifying period. However, there are more to come, so I'll have to work harder, too.

I don't know about which type of Pocky may suit your taste, but Double Chocolate and Maccha are my favorites. I'm not the type that likes peanuts on my Pocky, so I'll normally go for normal ones.

Oh, speaking of effort, yesterday was the release of SPM results for those that are born in the year 1996! (Or some 1995). Knowing that many of the juniors I know from different school obtained straight A's or excellent results, I'm really happy.

However, hearing that there are a few juniors of mine getting straight A's because of cheating in the exam hall from another junior that I believe her credibility...

It hurts. It just hurts so much that it gives me shame.

So let's just say that you are lucky for not getting caught in your act of cheating. What happens if you get caught? Do you know how serious this matter will be? It isn't just about failing your SPM paper and you will be penalized or even being kicked out from the school without graduating, but your school's name and pride is placed on the line, too! The examiners are teachers from different states, or perhaps other famous schools in other states. Do you want to let that examiner to go around and tell her students like "Oh, this school's students like to cheat in examinations!" and perhaps that may lead to generalization that KL students like to cheat!

As for a student that graduated as the role model, nope. I don't want myself, or my school to be labelled that way. Never.

Perhaps your SPM seems important to you, but let me tell you this. Nobody bothers about your SPM results at the moment you enter tertiary studies. You don't enter college and ask around "Hey, how many A's do you have for SPM?" 

No! Nobody gives it a care, whether you graduated as a top student or not.

In tertiary studies, your abilities to work as a university student plays a great role. However, it's rather sad to say that Malaysian students are mostly unaware of this and they just took their opportunity for studies for granted, without the right attitude and the right mindset. I'm here to tell you that tertiary studies isn't just something that you enter college or university, obtain a degree certificate and that's it. 

NO! You learn to bear responsibilities, and learn to grow up and face reality. It's NEVER just about certificates or CGPAs. Who the hell gives a care of your CGPA when you are able to work like a professional? Also, if you score a distinction and gets a first class degree, but your morality is long lost that your heart is so cold for this and that, do you think that it makes you successful? 

No, either.

You may think like this:
"Oh yay I'm finally free form this stupid secondary school with stupid uniforms that toasts me every single day and with all these stupid rules that I have to comply with, bla bla bla..."

Am I right, SPM leavers?

It's a wrong mindset, but don't worry. I was in that state, too. Now, I'm telling you this. In tertiary studies, you can play all you want, skip all your classes if you want as long as someone signs your attendance and you don't get yourself barred from the final exam and managed to pass. (I skipped most of my Physics tutorial in college, so yeah but now I regret it.) 

You can make lots and lots of friends, and you may want to go to cafeteria or gyms or badminton courts during your 2 or 3 hours break, or even going for outings after your mid-terms and such. Sure, go ahead and have fun! University life isn't all about books and studies like I've mentioned before.

HOWEVER, the more freedom you get, you'll have to pay with higher amount of responsibility. The more you skip your class, the higher the failing chance for you, and the lower chance for you to get a scholarship for a bachelors degree, and there you go, having your parents nagging at you all over again. (These are just one of the examples, but seriously, suit yourself. It's your life.)

It's now up to you on what you think you should do or not from this moment onward. 

I've said my piece of mind. It's all up to you now.